Friday, July 2, 2010

Behind the scenes at Blizzard Studios

Lead Designer: Hey, are you busy?

Artist: I got time. What's up?

Lead Designer: We need you to work on something for us. A character model It's kind of important.

Artist: All right.

Lead Designer: We're putting a lot of trust in you, to give you this assignment.

Artist: I'll try not to disappoint you.

Lead Designer: That's not even an option. We're up against deadlines. Can you handle major responsibility on this project?

Artist: I'm ready.

Lead Designer: Okay. I need you to make us a catdog.

Artist: A what? A hot dog?

Lead Designer: A catdog. Half cat. Half dog. But more badass. Like, half lion, half wolf.

Artist: Are you fucking with me here?

Lead Designer: If you're not up to the task, I can give it to somebody else.

Artist: You're serious?

Lead Designer: Have you read Tirion Fordring's dialog? I wrote that. I basically have no sense of humor.

Artist: You need a very important...

Lead Designer: Catdog. This is the cat form for Worgen druid player characters. The players spend hundreds of hours looking at these models. There's no art asset in the game that's more important.

Artist: Half Cat, Half Dog?

Lead Designer: More like half dog, half cat. Maybe, like, a 60/40 split. And badass. Don't forget to make it badass.

Artist: I'll try to figure out how to make that work.

Lead Designer: Do or do not. There is no try.

Artist: Right.

Lead Designer: Your boss told us you were the man for this job. Very high praise, you know. That guy is a legend. He invented the Bearcow.




"As a werewolf-catman, I am full of contradictions"

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Guy Walks into a Psychiatrist's office...








Therapist: What brings here today, Mr.—

Kologarn: KOLOGARN.

Therapist: Right. What brings you here, Mr. Kologarn?

Kologarn: LAST WEEK, I FELT A TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST. LIKE SOMETHING WAS SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF ME. I HAD TO LIE DOWN. MY REGULAR DOCTOR SAYS NOTHING IS PHYSICALLY WRONG WITH ME.

Therapist: He thinks you might be suffering from panic attacks.

Kologarn: THAT GUY IS A JACKASS. I ONLY GO TO HIM BECAUSE HE IS IN-NETWORK.

Therapist: All the same, I think we should talk about what is going on in your life and maybe we can find a cause for your problems.

Kologarn: UNNECESSARY.

Therapist: Well. Why don’t you humor me? Tell me about your work. When you made the appointment, you told my assistant that you work as, uh, a raid boss in a chasm in Ulduar?

Kologarn: I STAND IN IT.

Therapist: Now I understand that your job is to defeat armies of adventurers who come to loot the ancient sanctum of the Old God Yogg Saron. What does that entail?

Kologarn: THE USUAL. OVERHEAD SMASH. FOCUSED EYEBEAMS. PETRIFYING BREATH. STONE GRIP. RINSE. REPEAT.

Therapist: And this fulfills you?

Kologarn: …

Therapist: You haven’t been satisfied with your career?

Kologarn: THINGS HAVE DRIED UP A LITTLE, LATELY.

Therapist: There haven’t been as many raiders, have there?

Kologarn: THEY NO LONGER COME.

Therapist: It hurts to feel abandoned.

Kologarn:

Therapist: It’s okay for us to admit we hurt. There’s no shame in it.

Kologarn: ONLY A FLESH WOUND.

Therapist: Okay. And how are your relationships with co-workers?

Kologarn: …

Therapist: It’s difficult, isn’t it? Not having a hard mode?

Kologarn: NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING. BUT I KNOW WHAT THEY’RE ALL THINKING.

Therapist: And how do you feel when your peers treat you with condescension?

Kologarn: …

Therapist: This is a safe space. I promise you. I want you to feel you can trust me. What passes between us stays right here. That door is an inviolable barrier. None shall pass, Mr. Kologarn. None shall pass.

Kologarn: …

Therapist: Do you trust me?

Kologarn: I GUESS.

Therapist: So why have you come here today, Mr. Kologarn?

Kologarn: …

Therapist: It’s okay to talk about your feelings.

Kologarn: …

Therapist: I am ready to listen. I am prepared to hear you.

Kologarn: ...

Therapist: …

Kologarn: I AM VERY SAD.

Therapist: I’m proud of you, Mr. Kologarn. We’ve made a lot of progress today.