Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I feel pressured to replace my epics with greens

Quest-giver: Thanks, Crawford the Magnificent, for killing all those rock elementals. My children are going to eat tonight.

Crawford: They're going to eat the rock elementals?

Quest-giver: Sure. Why not?

Crawford: Rock elementals are made of rocks.

Quest-giver: So?

Crawford: I'm just saying, if I had a kid, I would not feed it jagged shards of rock.

Quest-giver: Who are you to judge me?

Crawford: Look, man, I'm just saying.

Quest-giver: No. You're this guy who is just going to come down to where I live, parade around on your 310% speed epic flying mount, and tell me how I should be raising my kids. I have seven gold, and now I have to give it to you for killing the rock elementals.

Crawford: I didn't mean anything by it.

Quest-giver: Nobody ever means anything, but the things you say still hurt.

Crawford: Sorry, dude. 

Quest-giver: You don't know the circumstances. Everyone says, come to Deepholm, Quest-giver. You can't walk six feet without tripping over an elementium vein, they said. Then came the hotfix. 

Crawford: That's rough.

Quest-giver: I can't leave, because we'd take a bath on the house, the market being what it is. So, yeah. My kids eat rocks now. The rocks cut up their gums and they cry all night. But at least there will be plenty of rocks tonight, thanks to you, o illustrious hero of the Alliance.

Crawford: Look, I'm detecting some hostility here.

Quest-giver: Hostility? Heck no. I want to give you something. A present, as a sign of my bottomless gratitude. Here. Take this.

Item: Quest-Giver's Subprime Mantle of Financial Illiteracy
Binds when picked up
230 Stamina
153 Intellect (not that it's going to help you any)
Increases Your critical strike rating by 96
Increases your mastery rating by 104, but not in areas related to business.

Crawford: Uh, thanks.

Quest-giver: Put it on.

Crawford: Maybe I will later.

Quest-giver: Put it on now. I want to see how it looks on you.

Crawford: Well, it's just that the shoulders I'm wearing came from Icecrown Citadel.

Quest-giver: So? Out with the old, in with the new.

Crawford: I don't know.

Quest-giver: I see, so those shoulders came from a castle, and these came from a moron who lives in a giant hole in the ground and feeds his kids rocks.

Crawford: No, it's not that. It's just that I don't want to break my set bonus.

Quest-giver: The stats on these are really good.

Crawford: But the old ones have cool particle effects.

Quest-giver: You know, some people actually prefer to wear clothes that are not on fire all the time.

Crawford: These have my Sons of Hodir inscription on them.

Quest-giver: You're making this really awkward. My dignity is the last thing I've got here.

Crawford: Well, take back the shoulders, and then you will have those, too.

Quest-giver: No. Those are a gift. Put them on.

Crawford: Fine.

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