Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Kologarn Is Going To Sell You A Used Car

I just wanted to alert you to something that happened recently when I was comparison shopping for a Mekgineer's Chopper:


Kologarn:  HELLO! WELCOME TO YOGG'S HONDA.  MY NAME IS KOLOGARN AND I CAN HELP YOU OUT IF YOU'D LIKE TO TEST DRIVE ONE OF THESE BEAUTIES TODAY.

Crawford:  I know you from somewhere, right?

Kologarn:  A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT.  I HAVE ONE OF THOSE FACES.

Crawford:  Not really.  You have very distinctive eyes.

Kologarn: MY EYES ARE JUST REGULAR EYES.  THEY DON'T SHOOT LASERS OR ANYTHING.

Crawford: We've definitely met.  Weren't you a raid boss?

Kologarn:  THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS THE BOSS AT YOGG'S HONDA, WHERE THE DISCOUNTS CRIT FOR OVER 9000!

Crawford:  No, I definitely know you.  You used to be great.  What are you doing working in this place?

Kologarn:  I BLEW OUT MY ROTATOR CUFF.

Crawford:  Yeah, I guess having your arms explode repeatedly can do that to you.

Kologarn:  LOOK, DUDE, I HAVE CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS TO MAKE.  I'M JUST TRYING TO HANG ONTO WHATEVER SHREDS OF DIGNITY I HAVE LEFT.

Crawford:  So your raid-bossing days are over, I guess.

Kologarn:  I MEAN, I STILL DO SOMETIMES, BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE ENDS MEET.   PEOPLE STILL DO THEIR DRAKE RUNS.

Crawford:  Were you even an achievement for that?

Kologarn:  YES.

Crawford:  I'm pretty sure you weren't.  I know you didn't have a hard mode.

Kologarn:  MY REGULAR MODE WAS A HARD MODE.  I WAS HARD ALL THE TIME.

Crawford:  Remember all those forum threads about people being stuck for weeks on Kologarn?

Kologarn: ...

Crawford:  Yeah.  Me neither.

Kologarn:  I HAD AN ACHIEVEMENT.  IT WAS CALLED DISARMED.

Crawford:  Oh yeah.  I think I got that one by accident.

Kologarn:  IT WAS AN EPIC CHALLENGE.  THAT'S HOW I BLEW OUT MY ROTATOR CUFF.

Crawford:  Only a flesh wound, right?

Kologarn:  NO, IT'S PRETTY SERIOUS.  I CAN'T RAISE MY ARMS HIGH ENOUGH TO BRUSH MY OWN HAIR ANYMORE.

Crawford:  Isn't your whole head made of rock?

Kologarn:  SHUT UP.  I WILL SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

Crawford:  With a torn rotator cuff?  Not likely.

Kologarn:  LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO TEST DRIVE A HONDA OR WHAT?

Crawford:  Nah, I am just killing time.  I am going to buy from Honest Marrowgar down at Bonestorm Motors.  See you later.

Kologarn:  WAIT.

Crawford:  I've got somewhere to be.

Kologarn:  NONE SHALL PASS.

Crawford: What?

Kologarn: UH, I MEAN, WE'LL BEAT ANY ADVERTISED PRICE.

Crawford:  Whatevs, Dog.  I'll keep it in mind.

Kologarn: (sighs) YOU FAIL.

4 comments:

  1. LOLOLOL enjoyed this immensely, you deserve a bigger fanbase

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  2. This was hilarious.

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