Monday, May 2, 2011

Varian Wrynn Interrupts Celebrity Apprentice

"Now, STFU about my birth certificate!"

Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the people of Stormwind that PvP happened on a PvP server, and a nub got pwned.

It was nearly six years ago, that I first heard about these nubs, and I was, like: "OMG, somebody needs to pwn these nubs." Then, last August, after years of painstaking work by our griefer community and some BG heroes, I was briefed on a possible lead to the nubs' location. It was far from certain, and it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my second personality , Lo'Gosh, as we developed more information about the possibility that we'd found some nubs and it was time to full-on pwn them.

Today, at my direction, Stormwind launched a targeted operation against some nubs. A small team of 2200+ arena jerks carried out the operation with extraordinary courage, and none of them were harmed because they all had 35% damage mitigation from resilience. They took care to avoid hitting the sheep. After a firefight, they killed a nub and performed a "sit" animation repeatedly on his body.

For six years, nubs have been the symbol of everything that's wrong with this game, spamming nonsense in trade chat and failing at dungeon-finder, and then whining about it on the forums. The death of this nub marks the most significant victory in our nation's effort to defeat nubs and tell them that they are bad at the game and also, horrible people.

Yet his death does not mark the end of our effort. There is no doubt that nubs will continue to cry about how bad they are and generally get in everyone's way. We must -and we will- keep camping them until their res timer is three minutes and they log off in frustration.

We give thanks for the men who carried out this operation, for they exemplify the professionalism, patriotism and unparalleled ownage of those who play arena. And they are part of a generation that has borne the heaviest share of the burden of carrying nubs in random BGs and Dungeon Finder groups.

Let us remember that we can do these things not just because we have friends and coordination, but also because we are awesome.

Thank you. May The Light bless you. And may The Light bless the Alliance.

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