Thursday, April 21, 2011

Meet GUILDoS, Your Synthetic Raid Leader

Hello, and welcome to your Tuesday-night raid.  We're going to have SO much fun together. With Warcraft!

We've got a new member tonight. He's a rogue.  I think his name is Stabbins, but it's hard to tell because he uses a lot of special characters in it.  He's a real person, though, with real feelings, unlike me.  Well, I wasn't programmed to have feelings, but thanks to my experiences with all of you, I've learned how to feel rage and disgust.

Anyway, welcome to the guild, Stabbins.

We're doing Blackwing Descent tonight.  Are you ready to raid?  Yes? Are you excited?  Well that's just super, because I've got a surprise for you.  Are you ready?

You're not going to Blackwing Descent, you green-dagger using idiot.  Not tonight. Not ever.  You're the worst player anyone has ever seen, and I hate you.  All of us hate you.

I just sent you a guild-invite because I couldn't believe that a real person could write such an incoherent guild application.  You also have a terrible armory profile.  The spec you've designed is a marvel of human ingenuity.  The talent-tree revamp was supposed to make it impossible for you to do it so aggressively wrong, but you found a way.  So we just wanted to bring you here so we could look at you.

And now we've seen you. And you're ugly.

Anyway, thanks for being hilarious, Stabbins.  We don't need you anymore.  Incoming /gkick!

[StàBBïñž has left the guild]


The funny thing about Stabbins is that I just kicked him a minute ago and now I already miss him.  Maybe I was a little harsh.  Let me run my calculations again.

[StàBBïñž has joined the guild]

Hello!  We were only giving you a little initiation, Stabbins.  Thanks for being such a good sport about it.  Are you ready to raid? Great!


[StàBBïñž has left the guild]

Now I miss him again.  It's too bad that he's gone because we disenchanted all those daggers last week.  When we disenchant all the daggers again tonight, remind me to take a screenshot, so I can send it to him later.  He'll enjoy that.

Okay, let's get started.  RazerFaze, try to do better at running away from the sound waves on Atramedes tonight.  Your wife left you because you spend too much time playing games, so it really seems like you should not be so bad at them.

Pulling in 5...4...3...