Friday, June 5, 2009

"I am Instructor Razuvious. Welcome to Class."

Original thread is here; begun 1-05-09

Good morning, Understudies. I am Instructor Razuvious, and, for the rest of the semester, I am your master. 

You are delivered to me, soft as newly hatched doves. I will turn you into stone. Under my tutelage, you will become unflinching enforcers of the will of the Lich King. 

My strength and ferocity are famous throughout Azeroth and Northrend. Even the most robust of foes are cleaved in twain by my mighty blade. None can withstand my attacks! My enemies are cut down like wheat. 

Over the next few months, you, my select few Understudies, will be trained to endure the withering sting of my blade. You, and you alone will be strong enough to hold your ground against the unstoppable onslaught of Razuvious. 

I shall... Yes, do I see a hand in the back? Do you have a question? 

Hmm... No. I can't imagine any possible situation in which training my understudies to stand up to my mighty attacks could possibly lead to ironic or detrimental consequences for me. I mean, how would that ever happen? 

What? Well, I don't think any of my Understudies would ever be so disloyal and foolhardy as to turn against me, but if one ever did, I would dispatch him according to the "Standard Rules of Raid Boss Engagement." I would focus unwaveringly on stomping that backstabbing worm under the heel of my boot, while ignoring any other foes who may be in the general vicinity. 

Unless, of course, there was another traitor nearby, with the impunity to taunt me while I was giving his friend a lesson in manners. Then I would turn my attentions forthwith to the interloper. 

Oh, you think that's a bad strategy, do you? Well, Smart Guy, what would you do? Oh, you think I should go after the guy in the dress? Well, if that's such a good idea, how come nobody ever thought of it before? You don't have an answer to that, do you? Well, that's why you are the mere Understudy and I am Instructor Razuvious! 

Now, if nobody else has any more questions, we can begin our lessons. The training area is right over there. Next to the mind-control orbs. 

What's that? No, I think that's a great place to put them.